Blog: 4th of July Memories

Reminiscing on 4th's gone-by, many things come to mind. Of course, fireworks, but going with that would be as redundant as saying gonorrhea makes it hurt when I pee. Nope, for me the 4th brings to mind drunken fistfights, unprotected sex and bodies (of water).

In my youth, the 4th was about going to the country club with my family. Always a great fireworks display over the driving range. We'd soak ourselves in OFF! and relax on a picnic blanket, enjoying the show.

As I got older, the 4th evolved into its present form, a drunk fest of reprehensible debauchery.

When I turned 9, started drinking and chasing women, the 4th took new meaning. It became about making memories I wouldn't remember! If it weren't for cameras I wouldn't even know I'd been awake on a 4th of July for the past 15 years or so! Who am I kidding? I lost those cameras in a condition many experts refer to as a "blackout."

Some of my best 4th of July's as an adult have been spent at the beach in Del Mar, California. If you have the means, I highly recommend checking this out. Three miles packed toe-to-toe with people from all over Southern California and Arizona. The crowds are so thick we would park at my dad's apartment or Pizza Port and carrying bags, towels and coolers of beer walk about 3 miles to get to the beach in Del Mar. So much insane behavior goes on all over the place that it's tough to wrap your head around it all. Usually companies like DC, Vans or Rusty have tents set up with DJ's, chicks getting naked, the works. On a typical 4th, by the time 7pm rolled around, you'd have a small-scale riot on your hands complete with pepper spray and police helicopters hovering over the surf. People hadn't even eaten their mushrooms yet! I've never seen a more diverse gathering spot than Del Mar at the 4th. Talk about the "have's" and the "have not's." But, you find that everywhere in Southern California. However, Del Mar on the 4th is the epitome. CEO's, dirty-hippies, soccer mom's and drug-dealers all call Del Mar home on the 4th! And sometimes they arrive in the same hybrid vehicles.

Lake Texoma is kind of like the Del Mar of the Red River on the 4th of July. Every douschebag with a tribal tattoo from Texas heads North, while Oklahoma tards waving the horns down sign drive South for one big blackout along the beaches of such cleverly named hotspots as "Party Island," and "Big Island." Thank god for all the hard-bodied women there or some of these meatheads might decide to wage a tug-of-war.

Texoma is the shit, plenty of girl-on-girl action, if that's your thing, which it is mine! However, look out for drunks driving boats. Especially the one's who've been eating Oxycontin.

I hope that everybody gets piss-ass drunk and enjoys their 4th of July. Cops get a real hard-on for DUI's around drunk-fest type holidays, so don't let 'em get ya'.

Namaste!